Hey Jared,

Watched your last show on June 5th and LOVED it! :) Anyway I saw that your Prank Call Gone Wrong video got over a

million views and you guys are giving away your old web cam and your hat and that on the show you and Kristin said how

awesome it would be if somebody could quote all of kristin's daddys and papa bears from the longest prank call ever.

Well instead of doing just that part I did the whole ENTIRE call! (don't even ask how long it took). So I hope this

counts as an entry to the contest because it was obviously way too long to put as a blog comment. I would really

love to win! and I am your biggest fan! Keep being amazing! :D

Love ya,

Rachel Gardner

The Longest Prank Call Ever

Part 1/5

Ryan: Thank you for calling Total Transformation. My name is Ryan. May I have your

name please?

Jared: My name is Jim. Good Evening to you Ryan.

Ryan: Good Evening. How are you tonight?

Jared: I’m doing ok, I’m doing ok. A couple hours ago I saw your commercial and it was

one of those epiphanies…

Ryan: Oh ya ya

Jared: where um once I see the commercial I realize “Hey that’s me,” “I’m that guy”…

Ryan: ya, ya

Jared: I honestly feel that you made that commercial for me honestly. Do do you…

Ryan: right, right

Jared: Do you get a lot of calls like that? Like

Ryan: um?

Jared: a lot of people?

Ryan: ya, we we get a good deal of people that say that that was me and my child on that

commercial

Jared: ya that’s that’s kind of how it was um

Ryan: and when you get into and when you get into the book it gets even deeper than that

actually

Jared: wow, ok so im prolly, im gonna feel like the book was written for me exactly and

the ?

Ryan: Yep, yes that’s how I feel, that’s how I feel about it

Jared: Oh you actually read the book yourself? That’s great to hear.

Ryan: Ya, ya I have a…

Jared: That’s good to know

Ryan: ya, ya I have a child as well. I have an 81/2 year old boy.

Jared: Oh, ok. So we’re, we’re more similar than I thought we were. This is crazy

Ryan: Oh ya ok

Jared: I actually have a ten year old daughter. I’m a single parent

Ryan: Oh ok

Jared: but um I need to talk to you guys a bit because um she’s very, she has like ADHD

she hasn’t really been

Ryan: Ok

Jared: diagnosed with it yet but

Ryan: Ok

Jared: it’s pretty severe. She she just opened a bottle of water and it exploded all over the

place type of thing

Ryan: Ok. right right.

Jared: but

Ryan: um well the…

Jared: her her her mother her mother isn’t here right now. She she is gone

Ryan: Ok

Jared: she left a couple years ago

Ryan: Ok

Jared: but um she went to go fight in the bull ring in Africa so

Ryan: Oh really

Jared: it’s it’s very sad. It’s a very tra…like tragic type of thing but um

Ryan: Ok

Jared: she like I really can’t explain how she acts its very its very hyperactaf she woah I

don’t even know what I just said hyperactive

Ryan: Alright

Jared: she doesn’t really listen she doesn’t really want to contribute to society. In school

she just sleeps and draws on herself

Ryan: Right, ok

Jared: so

Ryan: Ok well the man the man who developed this program his child actually has

ADHD

Jared: Wow

Ryan: Ya so he knows he knows all about it and he he himself has

Jared: It’s it’s a sign from god

Ryan: ya you know this this stuff this is the real deal. I love, I personally

Jared: Cause I know I’ve seen Dr. Phill I think hes a hoax. I think he’s fake

Ryan: ya

Jared: but then I saw this commercial and I thought wow this could be real

Ryan: ya

Jared: this could be exactly what I’m looking for

Ryan: ya he’s really, it’s it’s great and you know he he is able to break 30 years of

experience down in such a way and it’s so step by step that from from right off the bat you start learning things that you can use and you see the results and you just wanna keep on going and going and going

Jared: and “That’s what she said” so

Ryan: Right, right

Jared: Exactly

Ryan: So it’s it’s it’s an incredible program. It comes with 2 dvds that

Jared: wow! Two of them?

Ryan: ya two dvds, seven audio cds

Jared: seven? Did you just say seven?

Ryan: ya seven

Jared: wow! Sevens my lucky number. This is

Ryan: Oh really? Oh that’s great…it it it actually

Jared: wow! Oh my god

Ryan: ya it actually could be it could be thirty cds

Jared: thirty? Wow

Ryan: ya for for the amount of information that’s in here

Jared: that’s how old I am. Holy cra

Ryan: really? Me too, me too

Jared: this this is like Jesus

Ryan: ya, ya

Jared: speaking to me through your voice

Ryan: yes

Jared: Holy crap

Ryan: ya

Jared: and I don’t mean to use his name in vain either

Ryan: Right, right, ya

Jared: but this is oh my god

Ryan: that’s how, that’s how I feel about this program. It it really it really speaks to

people that in a way that that it is just a message

Jared: I already feel like I’m learning

Ryan: yes

Jared: and I didn’t I didn’t

Ryan: yes

Jared: even look at the book yet

Ryan: ya. Oh its its fantastic

Jared: Oooh my god

Ryan: his main his main technique with this program is he he over thirty years decided

that there was about seven parental roles that

Jared: sev seven

Ryan: and yep there it is again

Jared: seven

Ryan: seven parental roles that its quite its quite easy. My wife and I she she names she

gives a title to the role and kinda breaks it down in a paragraph or two and that’s one of the first things you do in this workbook that comes along with the cds you you look

Jared: mhm

Ryan: at them and you try to find where you are and there’s there’s surveys and tests and

things like that if you really if you really not finding yourself in there but most people we find or many people find themselves eventually. My wife and I pointed pointed instantly to to the type of parent parental role that we

Jared: oh ok

Ryan: and after you pinpoint what kind of parental style and he he you know hes really

nice about

Jared: What’s his name? what’s his name?

Ryan: His name his name is James Leeman?

Jared: James. I am best friends with a kid named James

Ryan: Oh. Alright, alright

Jared: I actually called him a couple months ago

Ryan: You’re you’re connected to this program I I

Jared: Oh my god

Ryan: I can see um what and what he does after you find you find out where you are is he

tells you he tells you the kind of mixed messages that that parental style you

Jared: My wife always used to give me mixed messages that’s

Ryan: Right

Jared: that’s the final thing I said to her

Ryan: Right and and

Jared: Holy

Ryan: and it’s the same way with a lot of communication where you say something and

the way and the way u make the way u say it is is is what is about 70% of that message

Jared: like what you’re doing to me now? Kind of

Ryan: Well its its its so its because I’ve been through this program

Jared: mhm

Ryan: and you know one of the main things

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy

Kristin: Daddy Daddy

Jared: what?

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy

Jared: yes Michelle?

Kristin: Daddy Daddy…DaddyDaddyDaddy

Jared: what?

Kristin: Hi

Jared: I’m on the…can you see I’m on the phone? I’m on the phone with a nice

gentlemen. He’s he’s trying to help me

Kristin: Hellooo mister (to ryan)

Ryan: Hello, hello

Kristin: Huh what’s his name (to jared)

Kristin: What’s your name? (to ryan)

Ryan: My name is Ryan

Kristin: Hiiiii Ryyyyyannnn!!! I’m Michelle. What’s your favorite color?

Ryan: Hi ha

Kristin: Huh! Daddy can I have cake?

Jared: Ya ya theres cake in the freezer go just go

Kristin: Huh! Ice cream cake

Jared: I’m on the phone

Kristin: My nails are pink!

Jared: I know I know your. Can you just go? can you go eat some cake?

Kristin: Huh! Can I take Fluffy for a walk?

Jared: Yes go take Fluffy and puppy whatever go for the walk. Go just go

Jared: I am so sorry bout that

Ryan: Oh that’s ok

Kristin: Huh!! Where’s the leash? The leash?

Jared: What? In the closet. The leash is in the closet

Kristin: With the chips?

Jared: Yes the chips, the chips are you can have go just go can you just leave me alone

please?

Kristin: ok

Jared: I love you

Kristin: I love you Daddy

Jared: I love I love you too

Kristin: it was nice talking to you ryan

Ryan: it was nice talking to you too Michelle

Kristin: Byyyyyeee!!!!

Ryan: Goodbye

Jared: I’m sorry, I’m sorry that’s a

Ryan: Oh that’s fine

Jared: little example of what I

Ryan: Ok, ok

Jared: been dealing with

Ryan: That’s quite alright. She sounds she sounds very nice

Jared: She is she is very nice. She is very nice

Ryan: Ya

Kristin: Bufffallloo Wiiiinnggsss!!!!!!!

Jared: she likes, she likes to eat a lot

Ryan: Ok, ok um so one of, one of the things about Michelle are you still on the phone?

Jared: I’m still here

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Dadddy Daddy Papa

Daddy Daddy OOOAAA Daddy

Jared: I’m still here. Can can I’m gonna try, I’m gonna try to block her out

Ryan: Ok ok

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Papa

Ryan: That’s fine um

Kristin: DaaaadDaddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Faaather Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy

Daddy Daddy Padre Mr. Padre Daddy Daddy Mr. Daddy sir

Ryan: so is all this information comes with a thirty day…Hello?

Jared: I’m sorry you can keep going

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy

Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy (takes breath) Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddybooo Come on Papabear Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy….Daddy?

Ryan: Is she, is she on the phone or is she next to you?

Jared: Shes next to me. I’m tryin I’m

Ryan: Oh

Jared: I’m like running in circles

Ryan: Ok, ok that’s fine um one thing a one thing we use to get this program out to

people is

Jared: mhm

Ryan: we put a thirty day money back guarantee on it

Jared: Ok

Jared: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?

Kristin: Hi

Jared: Can you please go inside?

Kristin: it depends. Can you do my hair later?

Jared: Yes later

Kristin: Huh! a squirrel! Can I play with the squirrel?

Jared: No. it it might have rabies

Kristin: Can I go play with the jump rope?

Jared: Ya go play with the jump rope just don’t

Kristin: Oh my gosh your nails need to be cut

Jared: Just don’t choke yourself with the jump rope

Kristin: I wanna get my eyebrows waxed

Jared: I’m trying, I’m trying to get help. Please seriously. I need help because of you. and

this man is trying to help me and now he’s probly going to hang up on me because of you which means I still need even more help because of you

Ryan: Nope, no you know what?

Kristin: Can I go watch Hannah Montana?

Jared: I am so sorry

Ryan: You know what? I certainly won’t hang up on you. Can I ask, can I ask you for a

moment

Jared: What?

Ryan: Its quite alright. Do you? would it would it help if I speak to her for just a second?

Jared: You wanna speak to her? Ok. hold hold on

Ryan: Is that ok?

Jared: sure

Jared: Theres a very nice man on the phone his name is Ryan

Kristin: Huh! Again?

Jared: Be nice to him. Don’t ask him any any questions you wouldn’t want him to ask

you. ok?

Jared: Ok Ryan

Part 2/5

Jared: Ok Ryan here’s my daughter

Ryan: Ok

Jared: Ok, Be nice

Ryan: Hi Michelle

Kristin: Hiiiii

Ryan: Hi, its so nice to speak to you um

Kristin: you too!

Ryan: um I was just, I was just speaking um I’m speaking to your father about a very

Kristin: Daddy

Ryan: Yes your daddy. I was speaking to him a

Kristin: I love Daddy

Ryan: I can tell, I can tell. and your daddy loves you too

Kristin: Daddy’s my best friend!

Ryan: that’s, that’s so nice

Kristin: He took me to see Miley Cyrus in concert

Ryan: Oh he did. That’s so excellent

Kristin: Yes he did. I threw a rose at her and she caught it

Ryan: You did?

Kristin: and she blew me a kiss

Ryan: Awe that’s fantastic. Michelle?

Kristin: It was amazing

Ryan: Michelle? Can I talk to you for a moment?

Kristin: Sure!

Ryan: Can you listen to what I’m saying for just a moment? Ok?

Kristin: Of course

Ryan: Um I am um I am talking to your father about a course, a um a scholastic course

that is that is gonna help help him and you communicate better. It’s a really, It’s a really great program we’re talking about

Kristin: Really, really, really great?

Ryan: Yes and I think you’re gonna love it. It’s gonna…

Kristin: Huh I’m gonna love it?

Ryan: It’s gonna be great for you. But what, what I need

Kristin: The last thing that I got that I loved was a hestruck

Ryan: ool, I like hestrucks too. Well you

Kristin: Me too!

Ryan: I’m telling, I’m telling you this though, I’m talking to you father about this and I

need to, I need to

Kristin: Daddy

Ryan: I’m talking to your daddy about this

Kristin: This guy on my bus he looks like a guy I saw on America ’s Most Wanted and he

was like “what are you doing in that seat?”

Ryan: Michelle?

Kristin: “That’s not your seat”

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle?

Kristin: Huh! Cake!

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle?

Kristin: Yes?

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle? May I, may I, may I keep talking to you? Will you listen to

me for one for another moment please?

Kristin: Sure

Ryan: a um?

Kristin: I’m sorry

Ryan: That’s, that’s it’s quite alright. I’m excited, I’m excited too. Um I need to talk to

your father without without any distractions for about five more minutes. Can you? Can you look at the clock and see five minutes

Kristin: Tinkey-winkey, Dipsy, La-la, PO !

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle? Michelle?

Kristin: Yes?

Ryan: Michelle? Can you give me and your father five minutes to talk?

Kristin: Daddy

Ryan: You and you and daddy. Five minutes to me and daddy five minutes to talk?

Kristin: So when the big hand goes on the four?

Ryan: On the four right

Kristin: Ok

Ryan: That’s ool we’re in the same, we’re in the same…

Kristin: Ok I can do that

Ryan: time zone

Kristin: Huh! No Way

Ryan: Ok? ok?

Kristin: That is so superspectaular!

Ryan: But, but actually actually right now the big hand is on the seven so if you can give

if you can give us until the big hand is on the five. If you can be quiet that long, we can talk about getting this great this great program that your gonna love like the hestruck

Kristin: That is Super-Uper!

Ryan: Can you do that Michelle?

Kristin: Yes I can Ryan

Ryan: Ok, thank you Michelle

Kristin: Your Welcome Ryan

Ryan: Let me, let me speak to you father again please

Kristin: Daddy

Jared: What?

Kristin: Its someone from something something

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle?

Kristin: Yes!?

Ryan: Can you tell? Can you tell your father that you are going to your going to let him

talk without interrupting until the big hand is on the five?

Kristin: Papabear

Jared: Yes?

Kristin: I’m going to go watch Hannah Montana until the big hand is on the five

Jared: Ok?

Kristin: So I am going to watch that and I’ll be right next to you when the hand is on the

Five

Jared: That’s that’s great. I am overjoyed right now

Kristin: Me too

Jared: Can I? Can I please have the phone?

Kristin: Ok, ok

Jared: Is Ryan still on the phone?

Kristin: Bye Ryan!

Ryan: Goodbye Michelle, thank you

Kristin: Air hug

Ryan: Ok

Jared: Hello Ryan I I apologize for everything she said

Ryan: You know, you know it was nice speaking to her and I actually used some of the

some of the techniques in this program to get her to give us a few more minutes of

of silence. She said that she wasn’t gonna interrupt

Jared: Did you use verbal abuse?

Ryan: No I didn’t. Of course not, of course not. No I didn’t

Jared: Ok, ok

Ryan: No, no that’s a this program this program is very respectful of the children because

that’s what this program is about. Ok um

Jared: Ok

Ryan: This, this program you can you can try it

Kristin: LET ME TALK TO RYAN OR I’LL THROW A FIT!

Ryan: You can, you can get this product to your home for nineteen dollars today

Jared: Ok. today?

Ryan: on your credit card. Today

Jared: Ok

Ryan: We’ll send it well we’ll send it out today it will be there three three to ten business

days. You can get this program and use it for thirty days before you decide

Jared: Ok

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy

Ryan: Hold on before you decide if your gonna pay for it

Jared: Ok

Ryan: Now I know that this program is gonna work for you and your gonna find a way to

pay for it but right now…

Kristin: Daddy Daddy Daddy guess what!

Jared: What?

Ryan: we’re gonna charge you nineteen dollars

Kristin: The hand is on the four

Jared: I know the hand is on the four. I’m trying to talk to Ryan

Kristin: Ok. Can I talk to him too?

Ryan: Ok right, right now

Jared: No you cannot talk to Ryan

Ryan: Ok listen

Kristin: But the hand is on the four he said

Ryan: Listen, just pay attention to me

Jared: I’m I’m trying to

Ryan: You can cover, you can cover your one ear it helps, Are you on a cell phone?

Jared: I am on my house phone so I can’t

Ryan: Ok

Kristin: (sings Best of Both Worlds)

Ryan: Can you, can you do me a favor and

Jared: Yes Ryan

Ryan: Can you remind Michelle about her deal of her her being quiet

Jared: Ok, ok hold on

Jared: MICHELLE!

Kristin: AAAAHHHH!

Jared: Michelle!

Kristin: Daddy

Jared: You made a deal with this Ryan. You said you were gonna leave me the hell alone

until the big hand was on the five

Kristin: Can you by me a new hestruck?

Jared: NO! If you leave me alone and do not speak to me, do not look at me, do not

think about me or my lovely friend Ryan until the big hand is on the five I will

buy you a hesstruck

Kristin: but the big hand is on the four

Jared: I am going to buy you two hestrucks

Kristin: Huh! make it three and you got a deal

Jared: deal three three hestrucks

Kristin: Ok!

Ryan: Ok

Jared: The big hand will be on the five

Ryan: Ok

Jared: Ok she’s gone

Ryan: Ok

Jared: Did I do good? Did I do good?

Ryan: Ya, ya you did good, this this program

Jared: Aw that’s so good to hear

Ryan: This program is gonna help you do even better

Jared: even better

Ryan: We’re gonna send it, you’re gonna give me a credit card number. I’m going to

send it to you for nineteen dollars today and if you if you wanna keep the program in thirty days we’ll charge one hundred a nine dollars

Jared: Ok 109

Ryan: Thirty days later we’re gonna charge another one hundred and sixty days later

we’re gonna charge the last one hundred

Jared: So this is like three hundred dollars?

Ryan: three hundred and twenty nine dollars but we

Jared: Holy wow!

Ryan: we’re we’re gonna space it over three months so it is gonna be about twenty seven

dollars a week for you. ok

Jared: You might aswell just take my daughter

Ryan: Let me tell let me tell you like this and I’m and I’m

Jared: Do you want me to just give you Michelle

Ryan: No, no

Jared: No

Ryan: Listen, listen I’m gonna tell you I’m gonna tell you how to make this easier

Jared: I’d seriously rather pay child support

Ryan: Can I tell you, can you listen to me for a moment? I’m going tell you like

this…

Jared: I’m trying to

Ryan: (sigh) and I’m not

Jared I’m listening, I’m listening

Ryan: Ok tell tell me your name again

Jared: My name is Jim

Ryan: Jim, Ok Jim, I’m breaking the rules right now and

Jared: Uh-oh

Ryan: and I’m sorry

Jared: Can’t that get you fired? Can’t that get you fired?

Ryan: No, no, no, no

Jared: No

Ryan: and I’m sorry to any of the call screeners listening to this

Jared: Uh-oh

Ryan: You’re gonna give me a credit card tonight

Jared: mhm, tonight I will give you my credit card

Ryan: You need this, you need this program

Jared: I need this program

Ryan: Yes

Jared: I need this more than Pamela Anderson needs her boobs

Ryan: I I I realize this. Ok listen to this you’re gonna give me nineteen dollars tonight

Jared: Ok

Ryan: I’m gonna tell you that in thirty days I’m gonna charge you 109 in sixty days 109

and then ninety days later 109 you ignore the part ok I’m gonna get this I’m gonna get this to you for nineteen dollars. I’m gonna give you a customer service number as soon as you get this program you call the customer service number and tell them that you do not want it. Ok?

Jared: Ok

Ryan: Here’s the number. Do you have a pen?

Jared: Wait so your gonna send me the product I’m gonna call say I don’t like it

Ryan: Right

Kristin: I WANNA TALK TO RYAN!

Ryan: In thirty days, thirty days later

Jared: Aw crap

Ryan: you are gonna put this in the mail

Jared: uh-huh

Ryan: and send it back

Jared: then I won’t have it

Ryan: Ok I’m gonna say twenty days, twenty days later

Jared: twenty days

Ryan: You are gonna put this in the mail. You’re gonna use it for twenty days and I want

you to check this program out

Jared: Ok

Ryan: The first cd is gonna make a change. Everything’s gonna make a change

Jared: Would I be able to just copy all the cds and dvds and send it back?

Ryan: Umm I’m not allowed to say that but you send it back in twenty days and the only

charge to you will be nineteen dollars. Ok?

Jared: What

Ryan: That’s how we’re gonna do it today. Do you have a credit card?

Jared: Flava Flav. Yes I do

Ryan: Ok what is it a visa or a mastercard?

Jared: Hold on a sec. Can you can you give me like 5ses…..Ryan?

Ryan: Yes

Jared: Ok how’s it ok ok I thought I lost you there

Ryan: Oh no. I’m here for you, I’m here for you

Jared: She she still has the credit card I can’t even…

Ryan: Ok

Jared: get it from her

Ryan: um

Jared: Do do you wanna speak to her and try to get it out of her?

Ryan: I would love to, I would love to

Jared: Alright hold on Michelle come out from under the bed

Kristin: Why?

Jared: Ryan’s on the phone

Kristin: Huh! Really?

Jared: He he wants to talk to you

Kristin: Does he really?

Jared: He really does

Ryan: Yep

Kristin: Ok

Jared: Ok here he is, Here’s Michelle Ryan

Ryan: Hi

Kristin: Hi Ryan

Ryan: Hi Michelle, You know you know what I what I have noticed?

Kristin: What?

Ryan: I’ve noticed that your Daddy really loves you

Kristin: Yes he does

Ryan: Do you know that?

Kristin: Yes I do

Ryan: And you know what else, you know what else I’ve noticed?

Kristin: What?

Ryan: I’ve noticed that you really love your Daddy

Kristin: Super-Uper!

Ryan: Ya, I I can see that

Kristin: Yes

Ryan: I, I am gonna I am gonna send him this course that that that thing that you’re

gonna love that he is gonna stop it’s gonna stop you guys from screaming

Kristin: My present?

Ryan: Ya, ya um

Kristin: Is it better than Hickle Dickle Moi Moi?

Ryan: You, I don’t know what that is but I

Kristin: Say it, say it

Ryan: Aah, I don’t know

Kristin: Hickle Dickle Moi Moi

Ryan: Hickle Tickle Moi Moi

Kristin: No, Dickle not Tickle as in aaaah tickle, Dickle. Hickle Dickle Moi Moi

Ryan: Oh Dickle Dickle Moi Moi

Kristin: No, Hickle with an H

Ryan: Hickle, oh ok Hickle

Kristin: Dickle with a D as in dog

Ryan: Dickle

Kristin: Moi Moi

Ryan: Moi Moi

Kristin: Hickle Dickle Moi Moi

Ryan: Hickle Dickle Moi Moi

Part 3/5

Kristin: Good Job!

Ryan: Thank you

Kristin: You did it, good job

Ryan: Ok, ok so check this out I’m gonna get this I’m gonna get this present to you but

you gotta give you gotta give your Daddy that card that your holding and you have to give us just a few minutes so he can he’s gonna read me numbers and I need to hear them. Ok?

Kristin: But it’s pretty

Ryan: What’s that?

Kristin: It’s a pretty card

Ryan: I know but

Kristin: and I put it in my Barbie cash register

Ryan: Check it out, he’s gonna use that

Kristin: Check what out?

Ryan: He’s gonna use that pretty card

Kristin: Huh! yes?

Ryan: To buy you this to buy you the surprise. Do you want the surprise?

Kristin: Is he really? Ya I do I really I really do

Ryan: So you have to give him, listen Michelle if you want your

surprise you really do right?

Kristin: Yes I really Uper-Duper do!

Ryan: If you want If you super-duper want this surprise you have to give you have to do

two things give your daddy

Kristin: Two? Two? Two things?

Ryan: give your daddy, they’re easy they’re so easy

Kristin: When the big hand is on the five

Ryan: Yep

Kristin: Yes

Ryan: Give your give your daddy the card and give him just a few moments to read me

the numbers off the card and then you can get right back to doing whatever you’re doing you can have you daddy’s attention back and your surprise will be on it’s way and it’s gonna come in a box and and it’s gonna help you and your daddy lead the most happiest lives that that you can imagine. Ok?

Kristin: No

Ryan: More happy, more happy. You like, you like fairytales?

Kristin: I do I love Cinderalla and Ariel and Sleeping Beauty

Ryan: Ok

Kristin: and Lilo and Stitch

Ryan: Well that that that is how

Kristin: and High School Musical and Miley Cyrus is definitely a failytale she just needs

to find her prince charming cause that whole think with Nick Jonas did not work out very well

Ryan: Well I tell I tell you what

Kristin: I like the Jonas Brothers. The Jonas Brothers are very interesting but Miley

Cyrus is my hero

Ryan: Michelle? Michelle?

Kristin: Yes

Ryan: Um so will you do that? Will you give your daddy the card and just a few minutes

just a couple couple minutes of

Kristin: I love Nikki Sixx too. He’s a really he’s a really really good man. He’s really

dedicated to his work

Ryan: Michelle do you want your surprise?

Kristin: Yes I do

Ryan: Give your daddy the card and give him a minute of silence please

Kristin: No

Ryan: You need

Kristin: I love you!

Ryan: I love you too Michelle. You need you need to give your daddy the card now ok?

Ryan: Can you come over and play?

Ryan: I’ll talk if you give your daddy the card I’ll talk to him about that ok?

Kristin: I got this Miley Cyrus Mall Madness it’s the best game ever

Ryan: Michelle?

Kristin: You can be Lily and then I’ll be Oliver and then Daddy can be Miley and then

my friend Peter can be Jackson

Ryan: Michelle?

Kristin: Yes?

Ryan: I am not gonna come over and be Lily or even talk to your daddy about it unless

you give him that card so I can get you the surprise ok? please do that

Kristin: Ok. Here Daddy it’s Ryan. He wants to come over and play with me

Jared: What?

Ryan: That’s not Jim Jim

Jared: Hello Excuse me

Ryan: Jim I did not, I did not say that Jim

Jared: You wanna come over and play with her is is that?

Ryan: No that is not what I said Jim. She said, she said that she wanted

Jared: She’s eight

Ryan: I know, I know Jim can I explain this to you I I she said that she wanted to come

over and play make pretend and she wanted me to talk to you about that

Jared: Right

Ryan: I said I was not going I said I was not going to talk to you about it which I’m

talking to you know about it and I planned on saying that she said that

Jared: Right

Ryan: Um I was not gonna talk to her about that unless she gave you back your card and

a few minutes for us to work this out then I will tell you that that

Kristin: He’s gonna come play fairytales after I give you my credit card

Ryan: and I told and I told her that I would talk to you about it

Kristin: and come over and play fairytales after I give him my credit card

Ryan:….and tell you what to say to her when we get off the phone ok?

Jared: What did you just say Michelle?

Kristin: He said that he would come play fairytales if I gave him the credit card

Ryan: No I said I said that that she your lives could be happy like a fairytale

Jared: Oh so like your using metaphors?

Ryan: Ya and I was just I told her that there’s there’s a surprise that I was trying to talk to

you about

Jared: So so your gonna come over play fairytales show her a surprise and

Ryan: No no no no no

Jared: How is this related?

Ryan: No

Jared: I am very concerned right now

Ryan: Jim Jim I tell you

Jared: I thought you were my friend

Ryan: Jim I am your friend listen Jim

Jared: I thought we were gonna be BFFs

Ryan: Jim?

Jared: Yes?

Ryan: Can I tell you something?

Jared: Yes you can tell me something

Ryan: Your daughter

Jared: mhm

Ryan: Your daughter has behavioral problems ok? you you need help

Jared: Oh boy you did not just go there

Ryan: I see that you love her

Jared: uh-huh

Ryan: And she needs help ok behavioral problems are no mean it doesn’t mean

something

Jared: She has behavioral problems you have temptations to come over and play

fairytales and show her what’s ever in your secret box of fun

Ryan: No Jim Jim Jim I’m gonna finish telling you this please

Jared: Sounds like on dateline

Ryan: She is not she is not telling you what I said

Jared: Ok

Ryan: She she is I don’t I don’t know what I don’t know what is happening in her mind

but she is not telling you things that I said ok?

Kristin: He said he’s gonna play Hickle Dickle Moi Moi

Ryan: No I said

Jared: Excuse Me?

Ryan: No I did not

Jared: That is the name of the porno her mother was in

Ryan: I I I did not know that when she was talking about that. Listen to this I’m gonna

give you a customer service number right now, do you have a pen?

Jared: No I don’t

Ryan: Can you get a pen please

Jared: (Oh my god sigh) We’re gonna have a serious talk once I get off the phone with

him

Kristin: About my surprise? And my three hestrucks?

Jared: (Oh my god sigh)

Ryan: Jim?

Jared: I’m barely here, I’m barely here

Ryan: Ok ok, no no you’re gonna stay with me and I’m gonna tell you how you can trust

me ok? are customer service number

Jared: Ok, playing with my daughter isn’t gonna get me to trust you I’ll tell you that

much

Ryan: Listen, ok listen to this

Jared: I’m listening, I’m all ears

Ryan: This this is our customer service number it is 1-800-

Jared: Right

Ryan: 460

Jared: Ok

Ryan: 2235

Jared: Ok now

Ryan: 2235 ok. You can call after we’re finished here

Jared: mhm

Ryan: You can call them at customer service and you can listen to our conversation

Jared: Ok

Ryan: what I said, what I said to your daughter and then you’ll understand what I’m

saying right now when I’m saying she she did not I she did not quote she was not quoting me. Jim I’m trying to help you. I I was not disrespectful I I really I really wanna get this program to you because I think it’s perfect for you

Jared: Right

Ryan: We’re both, we’re both thirty years old

Jared: mhm

Ryan: Ok. My lucky number is seven as is yours. My name is Ryan ok?

Jared: Right

Ryan: My customer, my number my representative number that you can tell them at

customer service when you call to listen to this call is 3785

Jared: The only difference between me and you is that you have urges to play with my

daughter in ways I do not

Ryan: That is not Jim that is not true. That is not true and you’re gonna understand that

after you listen to that call

Jared: Is your last name pedophile?

Ryan: No Jim

Jared: No

Ryan: Jim you are

Jared: Cause I can smell one

Ryan: Jim I can too and I hate and you know what I

Jared: Don’t hate yourself Ryan, you made yourself that way

Ryan: Jim

Jared: What?

Ryan: Can I tell you something?

Jared: You can tell me whatever you want to tell me

Ryan: Ok you’re taking your daughter’s words for what I said and it’s

Jared: How else would you know the name of the porno that my wife was in?

Ryan: Cause she said it

Jared: I was not in it. Oh no no no no

Ryan: She she said it

Jared: Charlie, the pet stallion, was in it

Ryan: You know what she said that to me I did not say that to her

Jared: Ok, ok I see how this is

Ryan: Jim I promise, I promise, I promise you

Jared: mhm

Ryan: That I did not cross the line. I swear to you. Do you believe in god Jim? Cause I

swear to god that I did not cross the line and that I’m trying to

Jared: Swear swear on the Bible

Ryan: I swear on the Bible

Jared: Swear on all the sliced peaches throughout America

Ryan: I swear on all the sliced peaches across America and the world that I am trying to

help you right now Jim

Jared: mhm

Ryan: Can we keep doing this cause this is gonna help you remember when you

remember when you

Jared: Swear on you penis if your so

Ryan: I I I can’t I can’t I can’t say that stuff on the phone and that’s exactly what I’m

trying to tell you I’m not allowed to say stuff like that. I can’t say crude things or I’ll get fired

Jared: Replace that with petulaguence

Ryan: Excuse me?

Jared: Replace that word petulaguence and swear on you perulaguence

Ryan: I swear on my petulaguence

Jared: Good

Ryan: Whatever that is. ok

Jared: That’s that’s another word for the word you cannot say like Voldemort

Ryan: You know what Jim I’m gonna take it further you wanna play this game with me

my son’s name I will swear on his name

Jared: Alright swear on his name, let’s play this game

Ryan: I swear, I swear on Simon

Jared: Simon

Ryan: that I did not I did not make any sexually suggestive comments

Jared: Swear on every single gallon of strawberry milk in Asia if your so confident

Ryan: I do, I do all

Jared: I do? What is that? You just said I do you have to swear on every single gallon of

strawberry milk in Asia

Ryan: I swear on every single strawberry gallon milk in Asia . Jim?

Jared: What?

Ryan: Jim?

Part 4/5

Jared: Ok I’m starting to believe you

Ryan: Ok

Jared: This is calming me down

Ryan: Remember remember when you got on this phone and you told me that you felt

like hearing about this program and what I was saying to you was a blessing

Jared: Right

Ryan: It is, it is ok?

Jared: Ok

Ryan: I know some I know something

Jared: What do you know?

Ryan: You know what I know?

Jared: What do you know?

Ryan: Because your because your daughter is eleven and my son is nine and were both

Thirty I know that you were about eighteen or nineteen years

Jared: I see where this is going

Ryan: I know that you were about eighteen or nineteen years old when you had when you

had your daughter

Jared: Does that mean I’m a whore? Are you judging me? Don’t judge me. Nobody can

judge me. Only God can judge me. God is the only judge.

Ryan: I know, I know this but what I am saying is that’s another way we’re connected we

were both teenage parents you and I

Jared: mhm

Ryan: And that’s not a

Jared: Was yours planned!? Cause mine wasn’t

Ryan: Nope, no it was not

Jared: Did you take karate classes when you find out? Cause I did

Ryan: I I had a lot of problems when I found out and you know what when I when I

learned this program when I go to this program it helps me understand those problems that I had and that’s serious and this this program Jim? Jim?

Jared: Ya

Ryan: Are you still there?

Jared: I’m still here

Ryan: This program helps me understand my parents and my parents were terrible

Jared: My parents were amazing. Actually they weren’t I lied

Ryan: And you know what Jim I see in you more than anybody that has ever called

before can you tell me I’ll tell you this anybody that has ever called you had more enthusiasm

Jared: Right

Ryan: about this program and how it can help you

Jared: Are you serious? Are you serious about that?

Ryan: yes

Jared: Swear on Obama

Ryan: I swear, I swear on Obama. You like Obama?

Jared: I love Obama

Ryan: Me too, me too. But I’m not allowed to talk politics

Jared: It’s just a name, names don’t mean anything

Ryan: Ya it’s true. But it’s it’s change and if your into him this program is change too.

Ok? can you can you trust me and I’ll tell you what I I I kinda broke the rules with you tonight Jim

Jared: Right

Ryan: I’m giving, I’m giving you an offer that we’re only allowed to offer people that

call from the internet I don’t know why it’s like that but it’s a little incentive for

people going to our website to get the eighteen dollars shipping and handling everybody else we tell them you know we’re gonna put the first 109 on your card and then you have thirty days

Jared: What if I what if I change my mind about this? How is this gonna work?

Ryan: Well what what I want you to do Jim just just so you can have your confidence

back in me if you like

Jared: mhm

Ryan: Is to call customer service and remember you said you didn’t have the money for

this program

Jared: Right

Ryan: So you’ll you’ll pay that nineteen and then you’ll call customer service after

Jared: No

Ryan: you get this program and say that you’re not happy with it and by that time you’ll

you’ll have been able to use it for a couple of days and I tell you the first couple cds in this program and you sounded enthusiastic you’re gonna listen to them and this guy is gonna catch your attention cause he’s real just like you Jim he’s a real man he he he he’s passionate and he he he knows and he wants he wants to help people he wants to share his knowledge. you know what I mean? And he says right off this isn’t about you’re a bad parent a you need to change this is about I have thirty years of experience and I wanna share it with you. That’s beautiful he’s been doing this for longer than you and I have been alive

Jared: This sounds beautiful

Ryan: This does, he’s amazing. He’s one of my new heroes to be honest with you

Jared: wow!

Ryan: I have few I have a handful of heroes

Jared: Me too the last hero I had roast beef on it

Ryan: Hahahahahahaha

Jared: So this is a major step

Ryan: Oh Jim that was really funny. I needed that, I needed that, I needed it

Jared: We could all use a bit of laughter now days cause cause

Ryan: Ya

Jared: What I say to people is even thought your listening and nobody’s laughing on the

other side there might be hundreds laughing at you

Ryan: Ok so can we do this, Michelle gave you the card correct?

Jared: She did not

Ryan: She did not

Jared: God Damnit

Ryan: Well I’ll tell you what I

Jared: You know what, you know I’m done

Ryan: No Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim

Jared: What? I I cant do this anymore

Ryan: Jim please

Jared: Cut my wrists and black my eyes

Ryan: No, no Jim

Jared: Screamo hardcore my life has now gone into a dark abyss

Ryan: Jim I know that I know that feeling

Jared: There’s no way out I can only see Hell

Ryan: Jim

Jared: What

Ryan: I know that feeling let me tell you

Jared: You’ve seen Hell before? Have you looked the devil in the eyes and said

“Hi”?

Ryan: Ya, ya you know what you know what to be honest with you I have

Jared: (growling noise)

Ryan: ya, ya far worse than that far worse

Jared: (growling noise)

Ryan: Ya

Jared: Hes speaking to me

Ryan: Get it out of your system cause you’ll feel better

Jared: (growling noise)

Ryan: You’ll feel better

Jared: (loud growling noise/scream)

Ryan: I tell you what Jim

Jared: What?

Ryan: I’ll tell you what

Jared: What? Tell me something

Ryan: You need this program, you need it. And I need you to get it because you have

affected me very deeply tonight

Jared: How?

Ryan: And I need I need your help cause you’ve shown me that you’ve reminded me that

vision of Hell and I need you to help me know that you are not going to stay I

want you to come back and I want you to get this program just give it a try this man James Leeman could be your savior. I have parents call that have kids that do the craziest things. Oh my

Jared: Do they do heroin?

Ryan: Ya, you know what the man who designed this program James Leeman heroin

addiction. Ok? How much deeper into Hell do you wanna get than that than that drug heroin. He he he was jailed because of his crime and heroin addiction and he started finding out about this program and got interested in it and that is and that is one of the things that makes this thing powerful this program powerful. Ok? Ok?

Jared: Ok

Ryan: I want to get you this program. Um do are you on the internet?

Jared: No

Ryan: No? Ok you don’t need to be. Um do you do you have a checking account?

Jared: Yes

Ryan: Do you know your checking account numbers?

Jared: I feel the power of Satan

Ryan: Ya I know, I know but I’m telling you what

Jared: I am becoming one with thee

Ryan: You know what Jim we are connected and I’m telling

Jared: Are you Satan?

Ryan: No I’m telling you how to beat the system. I’m giving you a trick that might get

me fired right now cause I care about you

Jared: So I’m a fire and you can be fired

Ryan: Ya

Jared: We’re both connected to the flames…

Ryan: You know what

Jared: of the burning of the sorrow of the hatred

Ryan: You know what Jim, can I tell you something honestly?

Jared: Maybe

Ryan: If I can get this program sent to you, If I if I can get this program sent to you it

would be worth it for me to lose my job. That’s real and I’m being as real to you as possible. What’s your? Let’s start off with you address. What’s your address?

Jared: How bout after I order this program we go on a date?

Ryan: Let me, let me get your address first and foremost ok? before credit cards and all

that stuff

Jared: Only if we can go on a date

Ryan: We’ll discuss we’ll dis I can’t

Jared: Please

Ryan: I can’t talk about that kind of stuff on the phone Jim

Jared: Then I really don’t need this product

Ryan: You I you know what you prol you may not you may not but I want you to check it

Out

Jared: I refuse

Ryan: Can I? I’ll tell you what I’m gonna send you one and your and I don’t want you to

pay for it either ok? Give me, give me your address and I’ll send it to you for free

Jared: 56 Cauliflower Lane

Ryan: Are you serious?

Jared: Yes

Ryan: I want your real address cause I’m gonna send you one these for free Jim. Do you

understand that? For free I don’t want your credit card, I don’t want your check and I don’t wanna be associated with the devil. I wanna help you with your problem. Ok? Cause I love you Jim and I want to help you. Is it really 56 Cauliflower Lane ?

Jared: No I was I was being hypothetical

Ryan: I I I understand, I understand this program teaches forgiveness and love and I want

and I want to help

Jared: (sigh)

Ryan: Can you can I may I may I please have your address I will send this program to

you ok?

Jared: Ok house house number

Ryan: three ok?

Jared: Lakewood Drive

Ryan: Oh my goodness you wanna know something crazy that connects us even further I

lived in Lakewood Florida

Jared: Holy Jesus

Ryan: Can you believe that? Ya

Jared: wow

Ryan: What what state are you actually just give me the zip code

Jared: Oh my god

Ryan: Just give me the zip code and I’ll tell you I’ll tell you

Jared: I live in Illinois zip code

Part 5/5

Jared: 0552

Ryan: 552 Somonauk? Somonauk Illinois ? Is that how you say it

Jared: Yes

Ryan: Jim I’ve never done this for anybody before I want I want to make a deal with you

ok? will you make a deal with me Jim?

Jared: I will make you a deal it’s like deal or no deal

Ryan: Ok

Jared: So I’m making this deal Howe Mandel

Ryan: Hahaha ok I’m Howe I’m gonna send you I’m gonna send you this program for

free I want you to listen to this. Please please listen to it. Please get yourself some alone time get yourself a portable cd player tell your daughter your gonna your gonna use the bathroom or something and lock yourself in a room or somewhere where you can’t be disturbed and listen to these cds and learn. You’re really close Jim you just need a few extra skills

Jared: Thank you

Ryan: K, oh Jim listen

Jared: Thank you

Ryan: I’m sorry I got your address but I don’t have your last name

Jared: Colensworth

Ryan: Colensworth?

Jared: C-o-l-e-n-s-w-o-r-t-h

Ryan: And can you just confirm your address with me one more time so I know I have it?

Jared: 1213 Lakewood Drive

Ryan: Ok Jim I’m really I’m really happy Can I?

Jared: I feel like I’m starting over. I’m turning over a new leaf

Ryan: You are Jim you are

Jared: I’m going over to the greener side of the grass without smoking it like I did in 2nd

Grade

Ryan: Ya. Jim?

Jared: What?

Ryan: My did I give you my representative number already? 378

Jared: Yes you did and I have that

Ryan: Ok um after you use this program

Jared: mhm

Ryan: Can you, can you, can you write to us

Jared: Of course

Ryan: Can you write to me? I can’t give you my last name or my personal address but if

you write back to this company and put that 3785 I’ll hear what happened ok?

Jared: Ok I will let you know cause you have been very inspiring

Ryan: Thank you Jim. I’m gonna Can I talk to you for a little bit more? Can I talk to you

a little more? I just wanna give you I wanna give you um two tips from the program ok?

Jared: mhm

Ryan: And I’ve been breaking the rules a lot but you know what

Jared: Rules were meant to be broken

Ryan: Ya that’s I well

Jared: That’s how I feel, I feel like that

Ryan: That’s how, and you’ve inspired me too Jim

Jared: Thank you

Ryan: You’ve inspired me too. Ok

Jared: Ok

Ryan: one of the one of the concepts in this program when your daughter does something

or says something to you that you don’t like instead of saying “Why are you doing this?” I’d like you I’d like you to try saying “What can we do to help you from doing this again?”

Jared: Holy crap! That’s straight out of the Bible

Ryan: Ya, Wabam!

Jared: Hol say say that one more time Wabam

Ryan: Wabam

Jared: Wabam

Ryan: Ok so instead of saying why did you do this, why are you acting this way say what

what can we do what can I do to help you

Jared: “What can I do to help you?” say it just like that?

Ryan: Cause I’m doing this again

Jared: Your doing this again? Ok thank you

Ryan: The next, the next….

Jared: There’s more

Ryan: concept that I’m gonna give

Jared: feel like I won the lottery

Ryan: This is this is ya wait till you get this program you did win the lottery but you

know what you worked for it cause you made me made me care that’s that’s it wasn’t the lottery you you competed you competed and won as far as I’m concerned ok

Jared: Ok

Ryan: Um the next concept is called the disconnect you don’t have to remember what it’s

called just remember this when your when you feel like your daughter is being disrespectful to you say to her don’t talk to me like that I don’t like it ok?

Jared: mhm k

Ryan: And turn around and walk away

Jared: I will do that

Ryan: And you know what it’s gonna make you feel uncomfortable because I know you

love your daughter and you’ll want to work it out

Jared: but it’s gonna help I understand, I know it will

Ryan: that’s not the time to do it

Jared: Right

Ryan: You talk about you talk about your problems when your having a peaceful moment

Jared: I will definitely remember those inspiring words from you

Ryan: Ok and remember this and remember to say words like this when things are calm

say say isn’t it nice when things are calm like this

Jared: Ok

Ryan: Um how what what what can we do to keep this going?

Jared: You should be on TV instead of Dr. Phill honestly

Ryan: Hahaha

Jared: Opera ain’t got nothing on you. Oh no oh no oh no

Ryan: Well hahaha ok Jim

Jared: Thank you very much I will definitely write to you and tell you how my daughter

has been

Ryan: Ok

Jared: You have inspired me greatly

Ryan: Thank you Jim

Jared: I am going to go to church tomorrow and pray for your greatness

Ryan: Really? Thank you Jim thank you I’ll you’ll be in my prayers too

Jared: Ok thank you good good bye

Ryan: Goodnight