Let me just start off with a disclaimer before you read on.....
- this post applies only to males
- yes, it is sexual....requires masturbation
- yes, it is completely anonymous
- no, there will be no compensation
- I am a female, of legal age
- I will most likely end up showing the responses to this email to my various female friends
- this does not require leaving your residence to meet a stranger off the internet
If you are still interested, please read on:
As a female, I have often wondered what it would be like to have a penis. In wondering about what it'd be like to possess such an appendage, I also wonder other things. Like, how big would mine be? Would it have a curve in it? In which direction? What would it be like to insert my glorious shlong into various women/foods/household items/designated sexual toys/etc......but the item I wonder most about, is a can of Pillsbury crescent roll dough...it's probably unhealthy how often I wonder about this. My curiosity needs to be cured, and unfortunately I do not have enough curiosity to go through a sex change. So. Here's what I'm looking for....
Basically, I'm gonna need you to purchase a can of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. Then, what I think would be best, would be to go home and throw the can of dough into a bath of hot water to heat that baby up.....I can't imagine sticking your manhood into some cold tunnel of smooshiness would be as comfortable as a warm tunnel of smooshiness. After it's all nice and warm, you'll cut off one end of the can of dough.....please be cautious of any pieces of the can sticking out. I can't imagine I'll get the review I'm looking for if you get dick-splinters. Once you're done with that, you should be good to go. You'll essentially use it just like a pocket pussy.
Once this task is completed, shoot me an email describing this experience for you. Good or bad. No photos/videos necessary (but I'm obviously going to look if you send them), and the more detailed, the better!
Q: Why don't you just ask a guy you know to do this?
A: While I'm rather bold, this is not exactly something that comes up into conversation very easily.
Q: Can I wear a condom while doing this?
A: Sure. Be my guest. I'd imagine that without would be better than with, but if you're worried about that Pillsbury Crescent Roll dough having a questionable past, or you're concerned of what the possible child could look like, please feel free to wrap it up.
Q: Can I still use the crescent rolls when I'm done?
A: Whatever floats your boat....but please do not include details of this experience in the email.
Q: Why Pillsbury Crescent Rolls specifically? Can I use a knock-off brand?
A: Because I fucking love Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. That's why. A knock off brand? These things are like $3 a piece. Just do me a solid a splurge a little this evening. Show your penis he's worth it.
* Note: I am not responsible for any tragedies/addictions/injuries/embarrassments/etc that may result from this experience.
** Again, there will be NO compensation, except for knowing that you have cured my curiosity. HOWEVER. If you knock my socks off with some wonderfully detailed, mini-porno novel description of this experience, maybe I'll get you a cup of coffee or something. Idk.
Thank you in advance!